The thing people usually forget is motivation. If one person wants to relax into rope for example and the other wants to push them to their limits its not going to work so asking what the motivation for the scene is i find incredibly helpful. If they are not attentive during negations they probably wont be attentive during the scene so it is crucial to me that they keep eye contact and stay connected to me during the negotiation or the whole scene is off. Freezing is the big one for me. We talk a lot about safe words and safe movements but if I get really scared I freeze so its important that my tops know that and that if they notice I am not responding the way I usually do that they ask me "if I am still with them" or something to that effect and if I say nothing that is a red. I also generally interview my tops if I haven't seen them play in public before. I will ask them to show me a double column wrist tie or put a paper towel on a sting to see what their range is with a single tail. If they hit it every time and can touch it without breaking it, make little tears in it and completely detroy it then I know they have the range and control I am looking for. If you live in a place that has a strong public scene asking around about how people perceive them and their play.
tutivillus
· 2 months ago
Those are some really good points to consider -- especially if you tend to freeze up in a scene.
I like (and appreciate) that you interview your potential play partners, even asking them to demonstrate skill levels. I'd imagine a few get huffy on that one...but that's a great red flag.
Thank you for your input! Very helpful.
GamerUK
· 2 months ago
I tell the person I'm negotiating what I want. They ask me for what they'd like and we bargain until we reach middle ground that will stretch one or both of us.
Negotiation varies depending on whom I'm negotiating with. People new to me have a more in-depth discussion and it's more of what is included. With familiar play partners, negotiation can be brief and more along the lines of what to exclude (assuming one of us would be inclined to 'take advantage' of what's unsaid).
Health concerns, time constraints, visible marks are all often important. Marital status can be a concern (I don't like unforeseen drama). Drug and alcohol use is discussed and to the ladies "are those things really all you?" (in a polite way) if I was thinking about vigorously slapping, squeezing or piercing breast tissue.
I like to have coffee and just chat about all the things I want from, and for my play partners. Actually, putting someone at ease before beating and chaining them may well make me a better negotiator than I realize after all! (Note:Opinions vary lol)
tutivillus
· 2 months ago
I tend to look for and follow many of the same guidelines...and definitely take my time if I'm setting up a complex scene.
All Comments
If they are not attentive during negations they probably wont be attentive during the scene so it is crucial to me that they keep eye contact and stay connected to me during the negotiation or the whole scene is off.
Freezing is the big one for me. We talk a lot about safe words and safe movements but if I get really scared I freeze so its important that my tops know that and that if they notice I am not responding the way I usually do that they ask me "if I am still with them" or something to that effect and if I say nothing that is a red. I also generally interview my tops if I haven't seen them play in public before. I will ask them to show me a double column wrist tie or put a paper towel on a sting to see what their range is with a single tail. If they hit it every time and can touch it without breaking it, make little tears in it and completely detroy it then I know they have the range and control I am looking for. If you live in a place that has a strong public scene asking around about how people perceive them and their play.
freeze up in a scene.
I like (and appreciate) that you interview your potential play partners,
even asking them to demonstrate skill levels. I'd imagine a few get huffy on
that one...but that's a great red flag.
Thank you for your input! Very helpful.
Negotiation varies depending on whom I'm negotiating with. People new to me have a more in-depth discussion and it's more of what is included. With familiar play partners, negotiation can be brief and more along the lines of what to exclude (assuming one of us would be inclined to 'take advantage' of what's unsaid).
Health concerns, time constraints, visible marks are all often important. Marital status can be a concern (I don't like unforeseen drama). Drug and alcohol use is discussed and to the ladies "are those things really all you?" (in a polite way) if I was thinking about vigorously slapping, squeezing or piercing breast tissue.
I like to have coffee and just chat about all the things I want from, and for my play partners. Actually, putting someone at ease before beating and chaining them may well make me a better negotiator than I realize after all!
(Note:Opinions vary lol)
take my time if I'm setting up a complex scene.
Thanks for the input my friend!